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Speak from the Heart, Be Heard:

Writer: Stacie Gould
Stacie Gould
Oct 19
2 min read

A Gentle Intro to Nonviolent Communication



Ever had a conversation where you wanted to be understood, but it turned into an argument? Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a kinder path. Developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, it's a way of talking and listening that focuses on honesty and empathy instead of blame.

Why it helps

NVC helps you name what you truly need without attacking anyone, and it helps you hear the need behind someone else's harsh words. People who practice it often find conflicts calm down faster and relationships feel safer. The research is still growing, but a 2024 scoping review concluded that NVC is a meaningful resource for improving relationships among healthcare workers. One small 2016 study of health and social services teams found NVC training improved empathy and teamwork. doajbiomedcentral

The four steps

  1. Observe without judging. Say what you see or hear, like a camera would. "The dishes are in the sink" instead of "You're so lazy."

  2. Feel. Name your emotion. "I feel frustrated" or "I feel overwhelmed."

  3. Need. Identify the need behind the feeling, such as rest, support, respect, or connection.

  4. Request. Ask for something specific and doable, and make it a request, not a demand.

Putting it together

Instead of "You never listen to me!", try: "When I talk and you look at your phone (observation), I feel hurt (feeling), because I need connection (need). Would you be willing to put it away for a few minutes while we talk? (request)"

Start small

You don't need to be perfect. This week, pick one conversation and try just the first two steps: describe what happened without judgment, then name how you feel. Notice what changes. Listening with the same curiosity ("Are you feeling stressed because you need support?") is just as powerful as speaking.

Be patient with yourself. It can feel awkward at first, like learning a new language, and that's normal. Every small attempt builds a habit of kindness toward yourself and others.

References

  • Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.

  • Museux, A.-C., Dumont, S., Careau, E., & Milot, É. (2016). Improving interprofessional collaboration: The effect of training in nonviolent communication. Social Work in Health Care, 55(6), 427–439. doi:10.1080/00981389.2016.1164270

  • Adriani, P. A., et al. (2024). Non-violent communication as a technology in interpersonal relationships in health work: a scoping review. BMC Health Services Research.

  • Center for Nonviolent Communication: cnvc.org

 
 
 

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